If you know me...

If you know me you know that I recently became a make-shift orphan. Ok, ok... so Im not reeeeally an orphan, but then again if you know me... you also know I have a flair for the dramatics. Saying Im "orphaned" sounds so much more dramamtic than... "Hey Im 35 years old & have my own home, family & career & my parents are semi retiring on a beautiful, peaceful island." People react more in my favor to the "Im an orphan" comment. ;o)

My parents moved to Hilton Head Island approx 2 weeks ago, hence forth the orphan comment.

If you know me you know that I have probably the best mother & father that God ever blessed anyone with. I miss them.

They've been gone now for a couple weeks, but the sting of reality just hit me today when my mom left to go back to SC after a quick weekend visit. A visit she made to help me transport my son to his soccer game. Who does that? She does.

We met for an early morning breakfast at Cracker Barrel today & then she was on her way. As she was leaving she said, "See you in about 3 weeks." Wow. 3 weeks without my best friend, biggest cheerleader/critic (lol) and unconditional love. Will I make it? Im determined to.

If you know me you know that I come from one awesome group of folks. We've had more than our share of blessings in life and in the grand scheme of things have had very little struggle compared to what others experience. There were times in my (young, immature) life that I thought each day was a struggle. Thats when I realized I was my own worst enemy. I think they call that realization "maturity". Could I actualy, after all these years & self induced battles have acheived such a state? I guess only time will tell.

If you know me you know that since the minute I arrived in this world I have been stubborn, determined (not always thinking of the end result) & a fighter. At times I have fought for the complete wrong things & if those fights would have been victorious, Id have been in a whole world of doo-doo. Guess who wouldnt allow me to win those fights? Youre right... good ol B & R. Thank you.

I still remember what kids want & shouldnt have. ie: cars @ 16, dorms freshman year, no curfew & as much as I loathed you for not allowing any of that, I thank you today. I hope mine dont fight like a tiger (like I did) & immediately understand the reasoning for my decision, but Im doubting they will. I guess I better prepare to get what I gave, huh? :O)

Thank you Mom & Dad. Thank you for loving me when I was impossible to love & didnt even like myself, thank you for encouraging me to do things that would make me who I am today, thank you for never missing a wiggle that I ever did (dance, flag corps, cheering, etc), thank you for raising me in a family who knows & abides my the Word of God, thank you for loving & supporting my children in so many, many ways.

If you know me you know Im not above kicking, screaming & crying for them "not to leave me". I didnt. They need & deserve this. After taking care of so many others, sacrificing the majority of your life for ungrateful takers, working until you thought you couldnt go another day to give us anything our hearts desired, for loving God & teaching us to do the same... its your time now... Go, run, walk, golf, tan, sell cupcakes on the beach and for once... take care of you!

I love you Mom & Dad more than I could ever communicate to you through words or otherwise. I hope one day to make you as proud of me as I am of you... You big island snobs, you ;o)

Birth Control....

I'm not as faithful a blogger as I would like to be, but I set a small goal in my head to blog at least weekly. If I feel inspired, there could be more, but I think weekly is fair for now? Maybe? Lol.

I had planned to blog yesterday & I was convinced the topic of my blogging would be that 2-1/2 year old's are the best birth control in the world. I spent an eventful (to say the least) day with my beautiful niece who just happens to be 2-1/2 years old and oh so full of life (or something)! YIKES! We weren't doing anything special... just typical Monday errands with my sister. I learned that even a typical Monday with Ellie turns out to be, as I said... eventful.

Holly had to go run some errands that Ellie didnt need to be a part of, so she stayed at "E house" while Mommy completed her tasks. She was probably here alone with me for a total of 35 minutes & in that time, she dismantled 2 fishing rods, combined the cat food, dog food & water into one bowl & proceeded to throw it all in the trash can (twice), came to me with her beautiful, sweet smile holding a $150 Longaberger Basket & pronounced "I poot Die Coke n nere", ran downstairs faster than my 30-something body could catch her, unrolled a roll of toilet paper & climed up to the kitchen table & said in an angelic voice "I wan to eat dinner."

WOW! I thought last night... Have I forgotten so soon that 2 year old's are that much work or is Ellie just extra special? ;o)... My conclusion is a little of both. God has a way of allowing our minds to block certain things out for our own mental well being. Usually it's times of tragedy, loss, struggling, suffering, but Im beginning to think its also times of toddlerhood & teenagers... If he didn't Im afraid the human race would cease. The fact that she is so beautiful that it takes my breath away helps a great deal also! LOL!

With that I lead into my next subject... Teenagers. I have one of these now. Sometimes it seems like I should still be one. Oh, to know what I know now... Would I go back? Heck yeah! (only if I could take the knowledge of my years, but have the body of my youth).

Caden Joseph was a beautiful 10 pound, 21-1/2 inch long baby boy with a head full of dark, curly hair, who smiled at birth, scored top on both Apgars, slept well, ate well, rarely cried & was the light of the lives of everyone around him. He turned 13 in March. Im thinking maybe they didnt do the Apgar Test right.

This evening he volunteered to mow the grass. Im very thankful for that because I remember vividly the battles between my parents & my brother about summertime lawn mowing. It usually resulted in my Dad following behind him to make sure he did it right (or didnt half-ass it... as he says. Hehehehe!), Dad doing it himself or eventually having it hired done. He wanted me to sit on the porch & watch him... I was glad to. It is a beautiful day & I moved my wicker furniture to the front porch, so I was anxious to try it out. At 5'6, 170#, my little boy started the mower with ease and away he went. He made the first swipe of the yard & was doing fine. I was admiring my beautiful new landscaping (thanks mom!) and how green & plush my lawn was. As I returned my focus to Caden I noticed that he had no rhyme or reason in his mowing pattern. One swipe across the yard in near the street, then a few down hill by the side of the house, round and round the tree in the midle of the yard, mosey on over to the drive way & edge it out a little, head over to the next door neighbors house & cut a strip of the side where our yards join, etc, etc. Im sure you can picutre it. After about 20 minutes or so he cut the engine, looked at me & said... "Is that good?" For once I didnt immediately speak. I sort of sat there a minute contimplating what to say & waiting to see if he was joking. My knee jerk reaction was to say, "No... you half assed it!" (a typical Robertson phrase & oh so suiting for this time). I didnt say it. I simply said, "Well, you kinda left a few spots. Why dont you just go in rows & that way you can make sure you dont miss anything." He looked at me as if I had a horn growing out of the top of my head, but... he started it back up & away he went.... in the same fashion as before. There are days when I wouldve completely lost it with him for that, but I had a nap this afternoon & I wasnt so quick to jump. He continued for about 10 minutes & here came Quinn.

Quinn has a new paintball gun (yes, Im that stupid). Its not a regulation paintball gun. Its small, made for little kids & comes with small washable paintballs. He has paintballed my house, my front door, the little girl next door, himself & now he was on the path to his lawnmowing brother. Quinn, in true spy form (goggles included) sneaked up behind Caden & nailed him with a yellow paintball right in the back. Caden (a future Academy Award winner, Im sure) fell to the ground screaming in agony. I couldnt help but laugh. Quinn cackled with delight & sped away on his bike lifting his gun in victory. I knew then that I would have to finish the mowing. I went over to Caden & convinced him that he did not need to be rushed into the ER as a trauma & even showed him the small spot of yellow the shot left. He didnt feel as if the mowing could continue, so I said, "Ill take a turn & you can pick it up after you rest a bit." He agreed.

Ive never minded mowing the lawn, so I started it up and basically remowed my lawn in a fashion that suited my OCD of patterns (I know Kathy is laughing). I completed the front, both sides & the side I share with the Irwin's next door. We have an unspoken agreement that we take turns doing the side we share.

Caden quickly recovered from his gunshot wound & was milling around in the garage looking for things to drag out. Once I noticed he knocked Quinn off of his bike & took off down the street on it. I could hear Quinn screaming for me to put a stop to it, but I ignored him. I knew as soon as someone saw Caden riding that tiny bike, looking like something from the circus, the problem would take care of itsself. Just then two 12 or 13 year old girls walked by with their dog. Quinn got his bike back promptly. Caden began acting like he was a hard workin lanscaper & turned all attention to the yard (until the girls were gone). I stopped the lawn mower and asked him to bring the old outdoor chaise lounge I am getting rid of to the curb for trash day. Again, I got a look like I had asked him to cut off an arm. He fumbled down to the back yard & started pulling on the heavy wooden furniture with one hand. He looked at me & said, "It's too heavy!" I said, "Use both hands Caden! You are as big as a grown man!" He dragged the smallest pce of it to the curb & the smallest cushion half way up the yard & left it. Apparently he has an agreement with the garbage men that they will retrieve things that dont quite make it to the curb... NOT! I said, "Caden, get the rest of that chair & take it to the curb." He got the bigger pce & got it to the driveway... not the curb, still leaving the large cushion in the back yard where it was. Once again... "Caden, get the big cushion & bring it up here & drag the rest of the chair to the curb." He looked at me as if I was speaking Latin. He said, "I wanted to mow, but you hogged it all!" I reminded him of his paintball injury and then explained to him that the mowing was finished. He explained to me that he had only agreed to mow... not "be a slave". I, in turn reminded him that he was indeed a slave/teenager & that is the whole reason people dont send teenagers away until they are better behaved. He didnt find that amusing. He finds very little about me amusing these days. Oh well... makes me want to try to amuse/embarrass him more. LOL! Well, he eventually dragged everything to at least the driveway & I (0f course) made sure it all made it to the curb for trash day.

I was putting the lawnmower away when I heard Quinn exclaim, "Dont do that Caden, youll get cancer!" I looked up & Caden was drinking water from a water gun that had been on the back patio all winter. See what I mean about the Apgar scores? I said, "Caden, stop that now!" Telling your 13 year old son not to drink stagnet water is something one should never have to do. Again, he looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language & continued drinking it with that s**t -eating Blake smile he has. Im confused. This behavior comes from a kid that could recite the entire Twas The Night Before Christmas before he was 2 years old, give you any sport related statistic from 1970 to present at age 5 & tell you who wrote the music & lyrics to any song that was made in the Rush, Led Zeppelin, Beatles era. He can also play any of those songs on his bass that he's only been playing since January. Funny how is lack of comprehension is selective. ie: he didnt know which room in our house was considered the dining room when asked to get something out of the dining room & he wasnt sure where the driveway was when Poppy asked him to retrieve the newspaper one morning & my most recent favorite... he drank stagnet water.

The lawn was mowed, the chaise was at the curb, Quinn has used up every paintball, Caden didnt receive any life threatening injuries & I guess we'll have to wait & see what the rotten water does to him. I felt a sense of accomplishmet & headed inside to tackle the laundry beast. As I removed my shoes & got a drink Caden said, "Well, now can I get a Razor phone?" I said, "Pardon me?" He said, "A Razor phone. Can I get one now that I mowed the grass?" I said, "Um, no. Why would you get a Razor phone for mowing the grass? We had not agreed that you would get a new phone for mowing the grass." I reminded him that he gets a home, food, air/heat, clothing, love, a perfectly adequate cell phone, $100 tennis shoes, guitar lessons, etc, etc, etc." Again... I received the look & was informed that I had in making that decision, "ruined" his 13 year old life.

I laughed. I laughed for several reasons. One... I got him to mow the grass (although half assed) because he thought he was getting a reward, Two... He thinks that not getting a Razor phone is the worst thing that could happen to him (Oh how I pray that it is... seriously!), Three... Im officially old because I got the "Im the only person in my school that doesnt have one" speech & I still didnt give in. Number 3 made me laugh because its funny & a little depressing all at the same time. When did I become uncool?

An hour or so has passed & he is over the Razor (for now) & onto something else... A Led Zeppelin book from Amazon, so apparently his life is not ruined after all. Darn! I really tried! Lol.

In the last week I have spent time with all 3 of my favorite kids who are all at very different stages in their lives & development. Like I mentioned before... I had forgotten what 2-1/2 year old's were like with God's help, Im sure & that gives me hope that one day I will forget what 13 year old's are like. Bittersweet. Help me Lord to look deep inside & see that curly haired baby with the sweet smile that was the reason I was born. So Im uncool to him now. That's ok, I guess. I just want him to grow to be a responsible, respectful, God loving & abiding man that can drag the trash all the way to the curb.

The little things are most important...

Ok.. I know its been a while since I promised Holly & Kathy I would become a faithful blogger. I meant to keep up, I really did. Everyday I would go over the events of the day in my mind & wonder... how or why am I going to write about any of that.

We (Kathy & I) were sitting in Rt 60 Music Company tonight waiting on Aly & Caden to finish, what we like to call their "pickin & grinnin sessions" (guitar lessons) & as usual Quinn Marshall was doing his best to entertain/annoy us. Speaking for myself, I look forward to the 30 minutes a week I have with Kathy that doesnt entail healthcare & we like to catch up, talk & giggle a bit, but somehow Quinn prevents much happening that he isnt a part of.

He was excited and embarrassed to bring Aly the bag of treasures he had won for her in the CiCi's Pizza claw machine. He had held onto them for two weeks & waffled back & forth about giving them to her. Not because he didnt want her to have them, but because he was way embarrassed to give them to her. Quinn has never been much one hugs, kisses or terms of endearment.... in fact... we (our family) try to torture him with it whenever possible for our own entertainment. LOL! You know... those "nice" things families to do children that affect them for the rest of their life. Hehe! When Aly arrived & Quinn noticed that she had spyed the bag of stuffed toys he was carrying he immediately stated, "I have to go to the bathroom!" & he jumped up & away he went. It was then that I explained to Aly & Kathy that Quinn had in fact brought her the claw machine goodies, but was a little shy about giving them to her. Aly was very appreciative & thankful & in true "classy lady" form she thanked him in a manner that didnt make him uncomfortable. Sweet, innocent gestures from both little hearts.

They drew the line when we tried to make them pose together for a picture. Oh well... cant be perfect.

Quinn continued to entertain/interrupt Kathy & I with his Quinn-like behavior & it was then that Kathy said, "These are the things you need to blog about. Not the huge deals that will stick out always... the little things that you'll look back on in 20 years & be thankful you were reminded of them." As always... she's right & as always she inspires me to be better.

We sat while Quinn wowed us with his invisible ink pen, placed a kick me sign on his own back & tested us both seeing if we could remove the safety lock he had put on his new Goosebumps book. Like always he asked for the keys to retrieve something else he thought we needed to see & off to the car he went. Upon his return he stated, "Dont mind me or this ordinary grape juice container that I have." (it was a cardboard grape juice box that had a motion sensor in it... part of his "spy kit"). We had to crack up on that one. I swear sometimes I think he's an 80 year old man in an 8yr old body.

On the way home, Caden & he were arguing (as usual) about what radio station to listen to. I had to agree with Caden on his choice since the one Quinn was insisting on listening to was very bubble-gum pop annoying. I said, "Quinn, you dont even like that song". He replied, "Oh yes I do... It reminds me of my youth!" We all cracked up & he barely cracked a smile... all the while looking out of the corner of his eye to make sure he had been successful in entertaining us. He was.

What a kid!

Kathy... youre right... it IS the little things. Its the hamster & the Ellie'isms & the whirlygigs & the sidewalk chalk that matter. I dont have to disect & plan & every word that I want to say or write.... what matters is that I write.

As Im sitting here reminding myself how much Ill appreciate reading about the little things later in life I cannot help but have a heavy heart for Maggie. My heart has been breaking for her for two weeks now, but sometimes it still just overcomes me. I hope in her memory she has "little things" that make her smile. When I think about her I wonder where & how she got her strength, then I realized... maybe its those memories that hold her strong. Rest In Peace, Tiny Angels...

Ok, Ok... Im here...

They wore me down. I have finally created a blog. Who, you ask? Two of the most inspiring and influential women in my life. My sweet sister, Holly & my dear friend, Kathy.

Although I enjoy writing and most of the time express myself better via keyboard I put off starting a blog for the same reason I have chosen to never persue another relationship. I didnt want to have to rehash the last 35 years of my life. Lol!
Not that it isnt worth rehashing. I have been very blessed! I just like to go a day at a time and live in the present.

The events of last week have made me realize LOTS of things. One - how lucky I am to have people like my sister & Kathy in my life & Two - Take today & live it to the fullest (even blog about it), there are no guarantees for tomorrow.

Its not much, ladies, but its a start. I promise Ill keep up. I want to make you both as proud of me as I am of you.

xoxo