Birth Control....

I'm not as faithful a blogger as I would like to be, but I set a small goal in my head to blog at least weekly. If I feel inspired, there could be more, but I think weekly is fair for now? Maybe? Lol.

I had planned to blog yesterday & I was convinced the topic of my blogging would be that 2-1/2 year old's are the best birth control in the world. I spent an eventful (to say the least) day with my beautiful niece who just happens to be 2-1/2 years old and oh so full of life (or something)! YIKES! We weren't doing anything special... just typical Monday errands with my sister. I learned that even a typical Monday with Ellie turns out to be, as I said... eventful.

Holly had to go run some errands that Ellie didnt need to be a part of, so she stayed at "E house" while Mommy completed her tasks. She was probably here alone with me for a total of 35 minutes & in that time, she dismantled 2 fishing rods, combined the cat food, dog food & water into one bowl & proceeded to throw it all in the trash can (twice), came to me with her beautiful, sweet smile holding a $150 Longaberger Basket & pronounced "I poot Die Coke n nere", ran downstairs faster than my 30-something body could catch her, unrolled a roll of toilet paper & climed up to the kitchen table & said in an angelic voice "I wan to eat dinner."

WOW! I thought last night... Have I forgotten so soon that 2 year old's are that much work or is Ellie just extra special? ;o)... My conclusion is a little of both. God has a way of allowing our minds to block certain things out for our own mental well being. Usually it's times of tragedy, loss, struggling, suffering, but Im beginning to think its also times of toddlerhood & teenagers... If he didn't Im afraid the human race would cease. The fact that she is so beautiful that it takes my breath away helps a great deal also! LOL!

With that I lead into my next subject... Teenagers. I have one of these now. Sometimes it seems like I should still be one. Oh, to know what I know now... Would I go back? Heck yeah! (only if I could take the knowledge of my years, but have the body of my youth).

Caden Joseph was a beautiful 10 pound, 21-1/2 inch long baby boy with a head full of dark, curly hair, who smiled at birth, scored top on both Apgars, slept well, ate well, rarely cried & was the light of the lives of everyone around him. He turned 13 in March. Im thinking maybe they didnt do the Apgar Test right.

This evening he volunteered to mow the grass. Im very thankful for that because I remember vividly the battles between my parents & my brother about summertime lawn mowing. It usually resulted in my Dad following behind him to make sure he did it right (or didnt half-ass it... as he says. Hehehehe!), Dad doing it himself or eventually having it hired done. He wanted me to sit on the porch & watch him... I was glad to. It is a beautiful day & I moved my wicker furniture to the front porch, so I was anxious to try it out. At 5'6, 170#, my little boy started the mower with ease and away he went. He made the first swipe of the yard & was doing fine. I was admiring my beautiful new landscaping (thanks mom!) and how green & plush my lawn was. As I returned my focus to Caden I noticed that he had no rhyme or reason in his mowing pattern. One swipe across the yard in near the street, then a few down hill by the side of the house, round and round the tree in the midle of the yard, mosey on over to the drive way & edge it out a little, head over to the next door neighbors house & cut a strip of the side where our yards join, etc, etc. Im sure you can picutre it. After about 20 minutes or so he cut the engine, looked at me & said... "Is that good?" For once I didnt immediately speak. I sort of sat there a minute contimplating what to say & waiting to see if he was joking. My knee jerk reaction was to say, "No... you half assed it!" (a typical Robertson phrase & oh so suiting for this time). I didnt say it. I simply said, "Well, you kinda left a few spots. Why dont you just go in rows & that way you can make sure you dont miss anything." He looked at me as if I had a horn growing out of the top of my head, but... he started it back up & away he went.... in the same fashion as before. There are days when I wouldve completely lost it with him for that, but I had a nap this afternoon & I wasnt so quick to jump. He continued for about 10 minutes & here came Quinn.

Quinn has a new paintball gun (yes, Im that stupid). Its not a regulation paintball gun. Its small, made for little kids & comes with small washable paintballs. He has paintballed my house, my front door, the little girl next door, himself & now he was on the path to his lawnmowing brother. Quinn, in true spy form (goggles included) sneaked up behind Caden & nailed him with a yellow paintball right in the back. Caden (a future Academy Award winner, Im sure) fell to the ground screaming in agony. I couldnt help but laugh. Quinn cackled with delight & sped away on his bike lifting his gun in victory. I knew then that I would have to finish the mowing. I went over to Caden & convinced him that he did not need to be rushed into the ER as a trauma & even showed him the small spot of yellow the shot left. He didnt feel as if the mowing could continue, so I said, "Ill take a turn & you can pick it up after you rest a bit." He agreed.

Ive never minded mowing the lawn, so I started it up and basically remowed my lawn in a fashion that suited my OCD of patterns (I know Kathy is laughing). I completed the front, both sides & the side I share with the Irwin's next door. We have an unspoken agreement that we take turns doing the side we share.

Caden quickly recovered from his gunshot wound & was milling around in the garage looking for things to drag out. Once I noticed he knocked Quinn off of his bike & took off down the street on it. I could hear Quinn screaming for me to put a stop to it, but I ignored him. I knew as soon as someone saw Caden riding that tiny bike, looking like something from the circus, the problem would take care of itsself. Just then two 12 or 13 year old girls walked by with their dog. Quinn got his bike back promptly. Caden began acting like he was a hard workin lanscaper & turned all attention to the yard (until the girls were gone). I stopped the lawn mower and asked him to bring the old outdoor chaise lounge I am getting rid of to the curb for trash day. Again, I got a look like I had asked him to cut off an arm. He fumbled down to the back yard & started pulling on the heavy wooden furniture with one hand. He looked at me & said, "It's too heavy!" I said, "Use both hands Caden! You are as big as a grown man!" He dragged the smallest pce of it to the curb & the smallest cushion half way up the yard & left it. Apparently he has an agreement with the garbage men that they will retrieve things that dont quite make it to the curb... NOT! I said, "Caden, get the rest of that chair & take it to the curb." He got the bigger pce & got it to the driveway... not the curb, still leaving the large cushion in the back yard where it was. Once again... "Caden, get the big cushion & bring it up here & drag the rest of the chair to the curb." He looked at me as if I was speaking Latin. He said, "I wanted to mow, but you hogged it all!" I reminded him of his paintball injury and then explained to him that the mowing was finished. He explained to me that he had only agreed to mow... not "be a slave". I, in turn reminded him that he was indeed a slave/teenager & that is the whole reason people dont send teenagers away until they are better behaved. He didnt find that amusing. He finds very little about me amusing these days. Oh well... makes me want to try to amuse/embarrass him more. LOL! Well, he eventually dragged everything to at least the driveway & I (0f course) made sure it all made it to the curb for trash day.

I was putting the lawnmower away when I heard Quinn exclaim, "Dont do that Caden, youll get cancer!" I looked up & Caden was drinking water from a water gun that had been on the back patio all winter. See what I mean about the Apgar scores? I said, "Caden, stop that now!" Telling your 13 year old son not to drink stagnet water is something one should never have to do. Again, he looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language & continued drinking it with that s**t -eating Blake smile he has. Im confused. This behavior comes from a kid that could recite the entire Twas The Night Before Christmas before he was 2 years old, give you any sport related statistic from 1970 to present at age 5 & tell you who wrote the music & lyrics to any song that was made in the Rush, Led Zeppelin, Beatles era. He can also play any of those songs on his bass that he's only been playing since January. Funny how is lack of comprehension is selective. ie: he didnt know which room in our house was considered the dining room when asked to get something out of the dining room & he wasnt sure where the driveway was when Poppy asked him to retrieve the newspaper one morning & my most recent favorite... he drank stagnet water.

The lawn was mowed, the chaise was at the curb, Quinn has used up every paintball, Caden didnt receive any life threatening injuries & I guess we'll have to wait & see what the rotten water does to him. I felt a sense of accomplishmet & headed inside to tackle the laundry beast. As I removed my shoes & got a drink Caden said, "Well, now can I get a Razor phone?" I said, "Pardon me?" He said, "A Razor phone. Can I get one now that I mowed the grass?" I said, "Um, no. Why would you get a Razor phone for mowing the grass? We had not agreed that you would get a new phone for mowing the grass." I reminded him that he gets a home, food, air/heat, clothing, love, a perfectly adequate cell phone, $100 tennis shoes, guitar lessons, etc, etc, etc." Again... I received the look & was informed that I had in making that decision, "ruined" his 13 year old life.

I laughed. I laughed for several reasons. One... I got him to mow the grass (although half assed) because he thought he was getting a reward, Two... He thinks that not getting a Razor phone is the worst thing that could happen to him (Oh how I pray that it is... seriously!), Three... Im officially old because I got the "Im the only person in my school that doesnt have one" speech & I still didnt give in. Number 3 made me laugh because its funny & a little depressing all at the same time. When did I become uncool?

An hour or so has passed & he is over the Razor (for now) & onto something else... A Led Zeppelin book from Amazon, so apparently his life is not ruined after all. Darn! I really tried! Lol.

In the last week I have spent time with all 3 of my favorite kids who are all at very different stages in their lives & development. Like I mentioned before... I had forgotten what 2-1/2 year old's were like with God's help, Im sure & that gives me hope that one day I will forget what 13 year old's are like. Bittersweet. Help me Lord to look deep inside & see that curly haired baby with the sweet smile that was the reason I was born. So Im uncool to him now. That's ok, I guess. I just want him to grow to be a responsible, respectful, God loving & abiding man that can drag the trash all the way to the curb.